Two months ago I finally decided to share my blog with others, it was a hard thing to do because my very first post was one that made me feel very vulnerable at the time. That was the post that said “Hey guess what everyone, I have Chronic Kidney Disease (stage 4)” It’s something I’ve been dealing with for about 4 years now and a transplant is coming quicker than anticipated. It used to scare me to share that with other people. I didn’t want others to know, I didn’t want to be vulnerable.
I waited months to tell my sister, even longer to tell friends, and much longer to tell extended family. I told myself it was because I didn’t have all the answers, but really it was that I was afraid of being vulnerable. I hated the look people would give me when they found out, that look of sympathy, I still hate it. Now I just realize that it’s okay to get that look, because from their perspective I am a young woman with so much life ahead and its a tragedy that this has happened.
I had to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable when it came to being vulnerable. It wasn’t an overnight thing, it took months of practice, in fact I’m still learning. Being vulnerable is such a difficult thing to do because there always seem to be thoughts of doubt and possible judgement from others. I’ve learned that you can turn your vulnerabilities into strengths; like me writing a blog about it.
Life is an unexpected journey with bumps and mountains, you can’t let something so small seem so big that it keeps you from living. Take chances, be uncomfortable, live, grow, be vulnerable. Most of all though, Learn! Even if its something like becoming comfortable with being vulnerable